Will I Ever Have Kids? ::and:: Bohemian Baby Names

I had this dream of me holding a baby. It was my baby and I knew that he was going to die. I didn't mind -- I knew that's just the way it was. I was ok with it. I put the baby down and talked with some friends. Occasionally I checked if the baby had died already. This dream had a very real feeling to it, like those dreams that indicate future, have omens and are important some way. When I woke up I couldn't understand what it meant.

Later that day (yesterday) I went to a doctor and it came up on the side of a regular check: I can't have kids. Or at best, it would just be way too risky to even try. So all you friends and people asking me, suggesting to me, politely hinting, straight out saying I should already, or saying for sure your hormones will kick in and you'll want some soon, and naming me women who didn't want kids at first but towards their 30s had to have them -- nope there will be no little omwoodses running around. Just this one. (I mean, to be clear, me.)

Fairy Baby by Enaid

Perhaps this is TMI (too much information) but it's my diary after all so I felt like talking about it. Honestly, I never wanted kids nor have ever handled them very well longer than 10-15 minutes. I find children a bit scary, psychologically, how they demand you to play with them all the time and it's like, there's no other way. And they're just, I don't know, dominating creatures and I can't get into their head. Cute and precious as they are! :)

So still I actually cried a couple of times when I was alone, after hearing this news. I don't know why. It was like some female reflex and some emotions came up that I never knew I had. It was weird. It's all good now. It got me thinking, what else is there. What is inside of me that I have no idea or control of (as of yet). Or outside of me for that matter. Surprising things happen in life. Unexpectedness. I think it's beautiful. You can never know. You can always adapt. You can always learn new perspectives.

Anyway. I figured I might reveal my long cherished list of baby names to the world that I kept just in case I might need it - but more just for the fun of it. Heehee! So it's all yours to take. Something tells me my choices would be a bit ahem, avant garde?

GIRLS:

Pearl Amanda

Sandhya Rain (Sandhya means evening in Sanskrit)

Dawn Matilda

Moon Autumn

Beth Cinnamon

Ruby Angel

Lucy Millicent

Sulka (feather in Finnish)

BOYS:

Nanda (son in Sanskrit)

Madhu (sweet in Sanskrit)

Thunder Theodore

Casper

Charlie Mountain

Frankie River (I'm not kidding)

Lucas Jupiter

Ludwig (yes! totally!)

Well there are more, this was 'the best of' :D Oh tomorrow will be a nice day - I'll meet Ninni who contacted me after reading my blog and we'll get together and hoop! She actually hasn't hooped before. There is something happening in Arabianranta in Helsinki with lots of music, art, buskers, street theater, etc. all day and I think we'll head there. You have a sweet day too! ♥